To concentrate on me and what I am doing. I have to learn that for every person let down by something there is five who aren’t. For every imperfection and mistake there is five things I have done the opposite. I can’t please everyone, I can’t even please myself most of the time. But I care too much about what others think and with everyone being so different, not everyone is going to be satisfied ever. It is up to you whether people can be adults and agree to disagree on things and move on. Some can’t and I have realized this week some friendships may be lost over stubbornness. But I am not any different than the person you first met or the person who was always there. Situations just change and people chose one things over the other. Sometimes things work, sometimes they don’t. Doesn’t mean either person is bad person, it just is what it is. But get your self righteous I am always right and no one else can be wrong heads out of your ass and learn that we all are not perfect, YOU AND I INCLUDED.
“I am incomplete damaged and imperfect this world is not divided between saints and sinners forgive me for being human…
I struggle I suffer I know what it means to survive this world is crumbling I’ll take my flaws with me and beyond you beneath it all…”
Part of the lyrics from Saints and Sinners by Trial
Lately, I feel like the best way to deal with my problems is to keep them to myself. Even when I know it’s going to kill me. I’ve kept enough stuff to myself in the past to know it will come back to haunt me. People just don’t even try to understand or they make me think that how I feel is dumb or wrong or insignificant. I have no way to let things out because people make me feel bad about it.
Not everyone is the same god damn person. Everyone is so oblivious to that fact. No one considers how other’s feel, how other’s view things, or what someone else has going on inside their own head. We are all different. We react to things in different ways. We feel in different ways. We have different problems and different solutions. We have different experiences that make us act certain ways. I always try to be understanding no matter what the situation is, no matter what thoughts my emotions provoke, no matter who the person is: close friend, family member, girlfriend, etc. But the problem for me is that I don’t think anyone tries to give me that same degree of understanding. So i’ve become more and more closed off lately and i’m starting to internalize things. I just feel like no one understands what goes on in MY head.
A conversation i’m having right now, as well as how i’ve felt about some things in my life lately is making me think about this.